I have learned that what every you want in life, whether it is career, family, relationships etc., it all has to start with you.

Why?

Because you arethe only person who can make the things happen. For example, if I want to be happy, I am the only one who can find ways to make me happy. I am the only one who can regulate my own emotions, create positive thoughts, and determine the emotions I want to maintain and the boundaries I want to set.

Or if I want to retire in a certain way, I am the only one who can determine how hard I want to work towards my retirement goal.

No one is responsible for your happiness, not even your children.

So the first question you need to ask yourself today:

What do you want your life to be like?

Next:What person do I choose to become?

Listen to yourself. By becoming aware of my own emotions, actions, behaviour and my thought patterns, I started to realise that my thoughts and emotions are my own doing. It was up to me how I chose to filter those messages that I receive and how I would react to them.

We learn by experience. My journey took a lot of learning, coaching and consciousness to realise that I am personally and fully responsible for my own well being and happiness. I needed to choose the parent and person I wanted to be.

Your children – your best teacher

Your children will be your best teacher. Pay attention to how they react to your needs. Their behaviour, their attitude towards you, how they challenge you etc and how you reacted, how your thoughts and emotions swirled, and how you reacted to those behaviours … those moments will give you insight into your  unconscious thoughts. These thoughts arise from your memory that you have kept inside you for so long and you have forgotten about these emotions.

Check in with your thoughts, what are they? Sit with that emotion/s, and if possible, label them.  Ask yourself what is it that you are feeling, where is that feeling coming from? What happened during your childhood that caused you to develop those emotions? What event caused you to make such emotions and thoughts?

For example, when your child refuses to listen to you, ignoring what you want him to do… your view is they are being rude and disrespectful. What if you got really angry and emotional, and then started to yell at your child….

Consciousness

That anger … sit with it, be OK with it… now try to trace it back to that childhood emotion, and label it. I always recommend you journal it down, writing something like this: "I am so angry, my child (name) is showing such rebellion, ignoring what I want, being disrespectful… how dare him/her…" keep writing, write down everything that comes to mind.

Pay attention to the words you use, for example, ignoring what I want, disrespectful. When you have finished writing, start to ask yourself: were you being ignored as a child? Were your needs met or just ignored? Did your parents listen to you and respect your views, or did they brush your views aside and ignore you? Did your parents disrespect your wishes or what you had to say to them?

Do you see how your emotions that are triggering you right now are giving you a chance to trace back to the source. This way you can resolve them. Make peace with them and move on. What ever happened when you were a child was an experience. Understanding the past will potentially make you stronger and more empathetic and understanding towards your children's or other people's needs.

Start raising your level of consciousness and start paying attention to your emotions, feelings and reactions. Reconnect to yourself.

Remember, whatever you want in life, be it career, a happy and harmonious family, or a healthy family, it all has to start with you. When you start changing your thoughts and actions, your family will change as well.

Have a connected day with your family.

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